Those three words. Those three fucking little words. You have cancer. It's like being told by life that youre not it's little bitch anymore, so have a nice eternity. Funnily enough, in the same week I'd not only been dumped by life but by my boyfriend as well. Haha, joke's on me! After the consistent emotional highs I thought that he would be the one to save me. Now I'm drowning. That's the way the rubber band of fortune works. Everything seems so wonderful and happy as the band stretches further and further. Eventually it breaks and your life shatters. I hadn't gotten so much as a pointless message from him. It was testament to the fact I was alone yet again. Everything dies alone. Despite his vow of everlasting friendship in his ironically beautiful parting words ("We have the rest of forever to do this. You're a wonderful and dead sexy person. Who knows what will happen with us later."), he had not even replied to the urgent message I left with his mother. He couldnt avoid his fears forever. I'm being treated in the same hospital his parents work at.

            For weeks I'd been having these horrid pains. Extended menstrual cramps on steroids. I'd been continually sick for weeks and I couldnt sleep despite both looking and feeling like the walking dead. I'd just put it down to stress and toxic shock from a mysterious spider bite I got while camping. It was nearing exams and the law faculty had set multiple assessments within the same week. The sciences werent much better, but I'm more experienced with lab reports than summaries of argument. My friends and boyfriend pleaded endlessly for me to see a doctor. I refused. They no longer bulk billed for over 18's and I'm a fucking student. I struggle to pay rent and rates! I kept struggling along.

            "Hey, can I get those questions off you tomorrow?" Jay asked me. "Hey are you alright there?"

            I blinked a few times. My eyes were glazed. I looked up at his concerned face as we walked. I felt strangely heavy. Everything faded into oblivion.

            "Hey there!" Jay greeted me in a soothing voice. My vision took its time focusing.

            "Hey." I finally croaked. I glanced around the room. Great, hospital! This is the last place I wanted to be. I felt airy. Oh that would explain it. I thought as I played with the morphine drip on my index finger.

            Jay's expression sobered. "They did some tests and well..." he hesitated. "I'll go get the doctor." He pushed himself off the chair and disappeared out the door. "Excuse me Ma'am," I could hear him ask one of the nurses. "My friend's woken up. Is the doctor around?"

            "Litha right?" I know that voice from somewhere. Where? "I'll get her straight away."

            I slowly sat up as Jay reappeared. Tears filled his pale blue eyes. "Sweetie, come here!" I managed to say as I started crying. I motioned him closer. We sat there crying into each others arms. This is ridiculous! The news cant be this bad. Can it?

            It had started as a cervical infection. Filthy little ex boyfriend should have washed his hands before touching me! Cancer cells formed, causing me massive stabs of pain near my pelvic bone. Some days I couldn't walk! It spread through my uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries. Disgusting little HeLa cells swallowing my reproductive organs. This was the cancer that really fucks you over. Even if I survived, my femininity would not. No children, no menstruation, no hormone fluxes. Ever! The only trait that made me feel like a woman would be irradiated, destroyed. It had always been a family joke that I was actually dad's youngest son. Now I may as well be, I have nothing to prove otherwise.

            It had only been a few days since I had found out but I was growing steadily weaker. Every leukocyte was pointlessly suiciding as it tried to save my body. Jay had kept his promise. No one at uni knew. I'd had no visitors except for my family and my closest friends from home.

*******

            "Hey, thats mine!" I lunged at Ashwin. His gorgeous curly brown hair covered his face as we fell together. I kneeled on his chest to pin him down. I tickled him with one hand while trying to wrestle my watch off him with the other. I should have known it was a losing battle. He's stronger than I am. I shot him a cheeky smile. "Give it back!" I said almost breathlessly. His skin writhed in pleasure as I continued to tickle.

            "...no..." he uttered between the laughter. His hazel eyes glittered cheekily. I suddenly found myself on the flat of my back. I could feel his sweet breath on my cheek. His heart beat against my chest. I laid there captivated by his eyes, now only a few inches from mine

            There was another presence in the room. I opened my eyes. "Gah!" I uttered in shock. "Mrs Matthews?"

            "Hi Litha," a concerned look washed over her face. "Are you comfortable there? Dont worry, we'll look after you. Does Ashwin know you're here?"

            I shook my head as tears formed in my eyes.

            "I'll tell him for you." She rubbed my shoulder reassuringly.

            Daylight. Did I fall asleep again? A soft green ribbon on the bedside table caught my attention. Porphyria's Lover and Otherworld. He's been here. I grinned.

            "It's nice to see life in those eyes! See what I mean when I say your smile lights everything up!" Ashwin's silhouette filled the doorway. "It's time to go home babe."

            THUD! William dropped his bag on the laminate table. I glanced up. What the fu... There was inane chatter all around me, but all I could hear was his bag. I gave him a faint smile. His hair always cheered me up a little. Its somewhere in between a birds nest and a cosmetic powder puff. Almost like a manga character.

            "Hey Li? Hey..." he lifted my chin with his finger. Tears formed in my eyes. He sat down. Ever since the first day of uni Will had adopted me as his little sister. I was in an alien area with no friends. Pity? Compassion? Either way, he makes a pretty wicked brother.

            "I...I haven't even told Lucas this yet." I sighed. "I have cancer." I rushed between sobs.

            "Oh my..." he reached across the table and rubbed my arm.

            Everything seemed to be morning in slow motion as I walked into the bar. Groups of procrastinating students laughed heartily on the lounges. My biology demonstrator idly flicked over the page, unsettling his long and wispy grey hair. Lucas, my best friend, lined up the cue and slowly followed through. Clink, clink, clink. Balls went flying everywhere but he didn't sink any.

            "Hahaha, you miss again! Oh hi Litha!" Jon rubbed it in to Lucas. I offered a polite wave.

            "Hey girl, whats up?" he turned around and dropped the cue. He stared at my sunken eyes, translucent skin. I barely made eye contact. Lucas drew me into a desperate hug. I clung on, not daring to let go. I sobbed onto his shoulder.

            "I have cancer..." I managed to whisper. He pushed me away. The colour of his face matched mine.

            "You wanna drive?" Ashwin dangled the keys in front of my face. Ever since hed taught me to drive it'd been a passion of mine. Just like him. I wasn't sure how much longer I would be able to drive for. I grinned and snatched the keys from his grasp. I love driving this car! I adjusted the seat. It was a real guy's car. An average shell tarted up to excess. It didn't seem tacky though.

            "You afraid?" he touched my hand as I changed gears. I looked ahead. The street was dead. I smiled briefly and fanged it around the corner. Handles like a dream.

            "No more than I should be." How afraid should I be?

*******

           "Okay, lie back and relax". Dr Lightly instructed as she adjusted the machine. "Excuse me sir, you cant be in here. Please wait in the family room."

            Ahhhggg. This things heavy! I was having difficulties breathing under the lead jacket. Still, its protecting me I suppose. I laid perfectly still as they irradiated me. Perfectly still as thousands of electron matter-waves dove through my skin. Im thinking surgery would have been better. They'd discussed surgery. I had the strength. Unfortunately, so did the cancer. They needed to kill all traces of it before it spread any further. Surgery was risky. Think about it. It'll become a great story! You can publish this in your book and win the sympathy vote! First step Opus, next step the world! I smiled.

            "Porphryias Lover? John Donne? Ahhh, heres something I recognize: David Eddings!"

            I looked up from reading Donnie Darko. "You'd actually like Donne. Some of his early stuff is sufficiently raunchy." I smiled at Lucas. "Leave it be!" I warned as he reached for my staff. He always had an incurable curiosity about my altar and weapon collection. He withdrew, just like my little nephew did. I stifled a laugh. That was a mistake. Oh oh. Next thing I knew I was tackled and pulled into a bear hug.

            "You ready girl?"

            "Naturally." I slipped on my shoes.

            "Surprise!" everyone chorused.

            I jumped back in shock. Ashwin's camera flash went off as I fought back the tears. "Oh...guys, you shouldnt have done this! Thank you so much!" Everyone was there. Uni friends, cricket friends and school friends.

            "We wanted to cheer you up while you were still strong enough to enjoy it!" Kylie handed me a paintbox. Well a little alcohol cant hurt! We counted to three and drank.

            Radiation treatment wasnt working. Lucas and Ashwin had moved in to care for me. As much as I wanted to go home to my folks, I had to stay close to the hospital. They were pretty much living here anyway. Dad was up most days and mum managed to visit every other day. I was still at uni. Everyone thought I was crazy but I couldnt give it up. I love uni. Adam always got a kick out of it ("It's going to take more than cancer to kill you off!"). I was getting weaker and was perpetually tired. I stared into the mirror. Was it really me looking back? I was vampiric. Excessively pale skin, limp hair, skeletal figure, drawn eyes. Where did my fire go? The boys had taken to carrying me around. I could barely walk.

            Knocknocknock! The door swung open. "C'mere!" Ashwin grunted as he threw me over his shoulder. "I've got something to show you."

            He piggy backed me across the beach. What I would have given to run after him. I could almost feel the sand between my toes. "Wh-whats going on?" I could smell smoke on the air. Thick flames flickered over the top of the dune.

            "We wanted to give you one last camping trip." He fought back tears.

            "Hon..." I kissed the crown of his head. "Don't talk like that, I haven't got the test results back yet."

            "My little optimist." He choked. Sure enough, over the dune sat three tents. I could just make out the silhouettes of Shara, Taylor and Josh by the fire. I slid off Ashwin's back as Taylor charged at me. He wrapped his arms around me and spun me around.

            "Hey, were actually prepared this time!" Josh beamed.

            "Awwww, thats no fun!" I feigned disappointment. It was kind of true. I'd had some of the most interesting and fun camping trips with them. After the first one there were no barriers left to cross in the friendship...

            After the last of the embers died we all retired to our tents. I began to crawl into my sleeping bag. Ashwin gently reached for my hand. "No, just like we used to." He whispered. I mimicked his cheeky grin. We both hastily unzipped our bags. He laid his out under us and I spread mine on top. Ashwin wrapped his muscular arms around me. I snuggled in close and rested my head on his chest. Rise and fall, rise and fall. His rhythmic heart lulled me to sleep.

            "Thank you." I whispered.

            "I'm sorry." Doctor Lightly spoke softly. FUCK! Ashwin death gripped my hand. Hey mum, dad, your youngest childs going to die in a few weeks. How do you feel?

            "We're going to admit you to the ward," Why me? Spose I cant complain. The last three months have been so much fun!

            "I'll be taking care of you and you seem to have a friend in Mrs Matthews. We'll look after you." Maybe not everything dies alone.

            "And I thought my boys were book worms!" Mrs Matthews checked my drip settings. I softly laughed from behind The Illiad. It was summer holidays, I didn't have any uni work to do. It showed. The beside table was littered with books and writings. Adam came in personally to drop off my exam results ("Welcome to the top of the class. Your mind's as sharp as ever! When you get well, I know someone who'd love to have you working for them.") I really need to tell him I'm not making it past Christmas. "Have a rest honey, you need it." She patted my knee and walked out.

            "She's just in there," my head snapped up as I heard Mrs Matthews' distant voice.

            "MICHAEL!" I cried out. I tried to rush to my feet, then remembered I couldn't walk.

            "Whoa there tiger!" Michael ran to catch me. He put me back in the bed. "I've got a surprise for you. Oh, now you really do look like the Dark Dwarf!"

I laughed as he handed me a small package. I hastily unwrapped it. "Oh my god! Its all official and everything!" I rubbed the cover of his book. "Haha, this is awesome!"

"It's only a draft. No ones signed me yet. I wanted you to have the first copy. Perhaps proof it?" he suggested.

"I knew there was a catch! Only..." I rummaged around my desk "If you proof and type up the last of these for me. This is the prototype as it stands." I handed him the loose papers and the bound draft.

"Why can't you type it up when you get out of here?"

I began to cry. "Because I'm not making it out of here." I mumbled. I can almost hear the Baen Sidhe's call.

"You know, I forgave you for going to the dark side a long time ago."

I smiled through the tears.

I woke up to pressure on my hand. "Shhhh, honey, its okay. Go back to sleep." He stroked my limp hair. I put all my strength into sitting up.

            "Hey Ashwin." I croaked. I could hear the Baen Sidhe. I clutched his hands. He leaned in and kissed me. Passionately. Sweetly. Tears coursed down my cheeks. I kissed him passionately

            I watched her sleeping. She looked so sickly but so peaceful. She wasnt going to be around for much longer. I clutched her clammy hand. She stirred. "Shhhh, honey, its okay. Go back to sleep." I stroked her beautiful hair. Dark brown. Moody, tired. I was falling apart. Every night I had cried to myself. Every night I refused to sleep. All I did was write and draw. She painfully sat up.

            "Hey Ashwin." She croaked. She clutched my hands. I leaned in kissed her. Passionately. Sweetly. I felt tears drop along my cheeks. Were they mine or hers? Both? She continued to kiss me. I could feel her fading. I cried as the last of her life drained through my lips. The shrill cry of the Baen Sidhe emanated from the heart monitor. I placed her gently on the bed. I cried.

            Tears ran down my face. I held up her dirty, tattered cord. "This cord was spellbound. It contains her spirit, hopes and dreams. She never went anywhere without it." I tossed the cord into a stone bowl filled with flaming herbs. The mourners gasped. I could feel her energy flowing outward. "We'll miss you! I love you!" I broke down. "She had one last wish," I struggled. "Thanks to Michael, Litha's book is finally finished. All her works and some of my portraits of her and her characters have been put in it. It includes her final work of her battle with cancer. We're releasing them independently and all proceeds go to cancer research."

I clutched the book to my chest. Her glowing face stared back at me through the photo. I smiled through my torrential tears. I could feel her watching...