I am alive, so I am told. By definition...
Taken from The Australian Oxford Dictionary:
Alive: living ...[how very helpful]
Living: having life, not dead ...[very precise "not dead", sure its true (by definition), its just stupid]

Life: being alive, animals' and plants' ability to function ...(whoa. the meaning of "life," not that difficult after all. If only more people used a dictionary)["Life: being alive," am I the only one thinking this is going in circles]

I still don't know if I am alive. I can move but can I function... What is my function?

Function: special activity or purpose of a person or thing [I see, with it so far... person needs purpose, right]

So lets recap. I'm not sure if I'm alive because I have to function. To function I need to be a person or thing [that one should be simple, its one or the other] but I also need a purpose... ok

Person: individual human or divine being; one's body [more difficult than I thought]

            Human: of mankind

                        Mankind: human beings in general

            Divine: of, from, or like God or a god*

            Being: existence; thing that exists and has life, person

                        Exist: have place in part of what is real; continue living ["continue                                     living." Continue having life and not having a place in what is real as                     dead... ok]

            Body: main part; structure of bones and flesh etc; group regarded as a unit;             separate piece of matter

Ok we're getting somewhere.
Purpose: intended result of effort [ok, its what I'd like from what I'll do]

*Didn't mankind come from God? Were we not made in His image?... Apparently NOT. "Human OR divine being." its one or the other. ie. "of mankind" OR "of, from, or like God or a god," NOT both or the same.