I am Bob. I will be refering to myself in the third person from this moment on. Unless of course I don't want to, then I wont be, so i guess you'll just have to bare with me on this.

Bob died [Yep, thats me. I'm dead]. Bob went straight to Hell [Yes, I am a nasty muthafucker].

Hell wasn't so bad except for that cunt Kthuhlu. He is such a pussy, so Bob slapped his bitch ass-down and told him to go to hell [yeah, he didn't get the whole context I was using it in either], So Bob killed him... PAINFULY. You know the usual, he was hung, drawn, quartered, disemboweled, stabbed, shot, poisened, eaten through by rats, had his intestines rolled out slowly and then poked in the eyes. And since he's like a fallen angel [or some shit] he kinda lived through it, so Bob booted him in the NUTS! [I know thats scum but he deserved it... kinda].

Later Bob thought this wasn't enough, so Bob let the devil heal up and take a siesta with a wad, no wait, 2 WADS of Bi Chicks.

Anyways, Bob was reincarnated, repented, died and this time he went to Heaven. Well besides gettin really homaphobic up there since chicks aren't allowd in Heaven he had to "half" "mingle" so he could get close to that bastard ass muthafucka... GOD. Bob found God sittin in his chair, in a gay white robe, whackin off like a poofter and pretty much lookin all gay and stuff. So Bob got a baseball bat and snapped the cunt in the nuts for about 8 FUCKIN YEARS. And when that was over he imported all the people in hell to come up and snap all the other people in the nuts [and well, do lots of other evil shit too... but still...].

Bob sat down, he was an alcoholic, a drug addict and today just wasn't his day. First he wagged school to drink a bottle of JD, not such a bad idea but while under the influence he did lines of speed and injected heroin. Not only that but he thought he'd go to his cupboard and wip up some home-made acid tablets and start trippin. Needless to say by the time the police and ambulance go there, there was no blood left in his body. Bob had gotten depressed and slit his wrists, but it wasn't good enough for him so he cut an oval shaped hole in his side and put a round tube in there. He connected the power to it, then he turned on the vacuum cleaner. It sucked him up. The vaccum cleaner was still going when they got there and the body was still smouldering because of the joint Bob was smoking [and didn't finish], it fell on him, burnt him mostly alive.

Bob fell asleep. Bob was standing. Bob, more or less, passed out while trying to get to the couch.

Bob woke up. Bob felt bad, but was surprisingly awake. Then it hit him, he had been in a coma for the past 3 days, "Damn, that shit was goood" he said to himself, and he realised he was talkin to himself and that probably wasn't a good sign.

Later that day Bob was bored, so he started drinking again, but this time it was just coke he was drinkin. But since this wasn't really doing anything for him he ended up drinking several litres and felt really sic! So sic infact, he puked up green slime. Lookin at the green slime amused him for the next hour or so but it didn't keep! Now he had this feeling he had to do something with it.

Bob waited til the slime dried out into a powdery form, then he scooped it, bottled it and sorted through and removed the stuff he didn't need, which was everything that wasn't green. Now Bob was thinking ", well I got this, how can I make it 'FUN'!!?." Bob is very sick and demented and he needs to get himself checked, but he does know a great deal about 'FUN' its just sometimes he goes too far. This time he crushed up 3 ecstacy pills in with his green slime, added some vodka and lemonade which made the formula approximately 1 litre and then he drank it. ok "drank" is an understatement, he skulled it. No thats wrong too, that would imply that he finished it. Here it goes. Bob took a swig from his formula, dubbed "Da Shit Ju Have When There's No-one Around" and anyway, he took a swig from it, swallowed a tiny bit and then died. On the 'up-side' it tasted fuckin great and the person that stole it off him and watered it down made a fuckin wad of money by selling it to normal people so they could get trashed. I think they call it "Midori" now.

Bob went to school with a really long bag. It was the day of the school assembly and it was starting, and Bob went to the front with his long bag and waited till everyone had sat down. Then he whapped out his AK's that he got off his Afghanistani friends and popped a cap in all them muthafucka's the be sittin round. He got most of cause he had extended clips and since those afghans by inn "Bulk" they gave him several AK's to put in his bag so he didn't have to reload. Bob was stoked that all 'da bitches' got fucked up and bloody so he went home and shot his family and friends and neighboorhood until they took him to a mental institution. But then Bob got violent with the walls so "they" gave him electric shocks. but that just pissed Bob off more! So "they" eventually settled for a continual electric pulse. IT worked, for ten years, kinda. Bob was in a trance for 10 years learning how electricity worked, then he learnt how to shoot electricity from his hand and bust outa there shootin bolts and fryin peoples asses and went on another rampage. Bob's rampage lasted fuckin ages! All these nasty ass muthafuckas in rubber suits got him. Then they employed the death sentence and gave him "the chair". Oh, Bob survived of course, and after 5 years of 3000 volts runnin through him he learnt how to shoot fully condensed electricity/plasma shit and he fucked up the whole world and himself, He melted hardcore!

Bob's Journal. I have 6 and a half minutes 2 live. I have had a VERY BAD day. For a start I only have 5 1/2 mins to live (approx) and I'm spending it doing a diary entry. I mean shit! who writes a diary anyway? its a waste of time, oh crap not good. im doing maths to see how much longer I got. 4 mins. Ah! [think]. I gotta say something good. I'd like to thank all my friends out there, everyone who supported me (3 mins), my family and....... well drugs. drugs are fuckin fun! 2 mins. Yes it took me that long to think that up (1 min). Hey I was interrupted I'm not that stupid, sure I am dying but eh! (20 secs), Shit NOT GOOD (10) Ahhhh! (5) Noo.

Bob in third person view [for a limited time only]

Plod, plod, plod. [WHACK!!] "I can't take this, [whack!] this is too much for any person, [whack!] GET THIS OFF ME!! [whack-Whack-WHACK!!]" After this 6th time his head started to ache [only a bit though]. Even for a padded wall there is still much damage that can be done if you're enthusiastic enough, and by all observational means this man proved he was just such a person.

I can see how he can be annoyed at his present dilemma, which by the way, is that he is in a mental institution and not to pleased about it in fact [thats if you didn't know]. He was brought to the asylum unconscious. When he awoke he claimed to be a "well-off" 'independent, investigative, accountant with a personal assistant's qualifications in the field of psychology' [or some such thing]. To that point though, he was an 'independent, investigative, accountant with a personal assistant's qualifications in the field of psychology'. Which is why he was so...well... "PISSED OFF" at being in an institute for the mentally/criminally insane.

"Ow! God damn it, that hurt, [whack!]" feeling a little dazed now, he paused for a moment to reassert himself, and of course for added effect for whoever might be watching. He shook his head, "Ahh!....[thump, thump, thump. . . . . Bang!...slap]. He was unconscious. Not that he planned it that way. He just kinda wanted to make a big kafuffle so he could explain more of his side of the story, not that he knew why he should. But in his present state it probably would be better if he just kinda...'slept it off'. And besides if you had just launched yourself into wall [with prior head injuries of course] you'd be unconscious too, maybe not in a 'nut-house' though [But after doing something like that there's a large chance that someone would call them].

Well since he's busy [in a roundabout sort-a-way that is] I'll tell you how he got there. The short version of course and [for ease of reading] in point forms. So this is what happened:

-White van pulled up to house

-People got out [naturally they were wearing white coats]

-They went to the front door...and opened the door [it was unlocked, but thats normal and they knew it, its (usually) a 'nice' neighbourhood, people there do that sort of thing]

-They casually walked up to a man reading the newspaper [same man who is unconscious now in fact]

-They whacked him on the head [they whacked him with one of those things you normally whack people on the head with, they're usually black, and this one was]

-Man dropped newspaper and said "Ow! That hur-who the are you!?!"

-People in white coats looked puzzled and disheartened for a moment and then one of the other people took the black thing and whacked the man again

-Man lost consciousness [and didn't know where it went, so it took him a while to get it back]

-Guy who knocked other guy unconscious stood still in a triumphant manner and then proceeded to get others to help him lift the man and cart him to the van [and then they tossed him in there of course].

The rest of this crap can be skipped cause it is not relevant and largely uninteresting and. . . . . . . .. . And . . . . . . . . . .. Nope, that about sums it up. If you want an even shorter version then here: they took the guy to the institute for the mentally/criminally insane and checked him into his own personal room.